Pit Stop.

Starting (again)

Taken on the way home between Indiana and Ohio with the new camera

Since moving I’ve been struggling to press publish. I’ve gotten on here and written for hours but felt unsatisfied about what I’ve had to say. In all of the drafts, the recurring theme is that I feel like I’ve just been so backlogged. My brain was clogged with so many thoughts the sentences were so jumbled I couldn’t make sense of it. After taking a step back, this is my attempt at starting again.

In recent news, I took a job in Georgia. I live alone in my yuppie apartment with my 8 plants. I lived alone in the college dorms but it wasn’t the same. I can’t walk down the hall and barge into my buddy’s room anymore. Out of that original crew, 2 of them are now 2,681 miles away in Seattle, and 2 live 539 miles away in Columbus. I still call frequently to check in with them but I live alone now.

As someone who has grown up in Ohio all of his life, I was never the kind of guy who felt the need to escape Ohio for the sake of it. Ohio is often criticized for being boring. Although I learned to love the boredom, Ohio is where I learned to make the most of what I had. Those classic Midwest experiences like drinking in your buddy’s garage, a memorable night sitting in the parking lot, and loitering at Walmart, taught me how little I needed to be happy.

Why did I choose to leave?

For me, I felt like I always had an amazing support system in Ohio. Friends of friends of friends, I always had people to hang out with. I felt like I always knew a guy for whatever I needed. I began to fear never seeing what was beyond Ohio, I was beginning to find too much comfort in it. In Ohio every weekend I have a friend to see, an event to go to, or an errand to run.

At 23 I have a lot to figure out. A lot to figure out before I have a kid, a lot to figure out before I find my wife, and a lot to figure out for my career. I concluded I would struggle to figure a lot of these things out if I didn’t push myself into some sense of isolation. So I live alone in my yuppie apartment with my 8 plants. It’s peaceful, it’s lonely sometimes, but I think it’s what I need. I think I’m on the right track. I’m learning a lot about what I don’t want and starting to give myself room to think through what I hope the next few years will look like. I started drawing again which I haven’t done since I was probably 8 years old. I’ve been reading again too. Slowly I’ve been fighting off the feeling of being chronically online. It’s exhausting and something I didn’t notice until living alone. It’s been a simple life and a good pit stop. It’s by no means perfect, but living and working here has changed how I think over the past 4 months.

The following thoughts are by no means a breakthrough but some things on my mind. Lately, it’s been bridging the gap between knowing and understanding.

On Money

I’ve realized I’m rich. I don’t mean this in some sense of arrogance, but I have more than I’m used to. I no longer have to save, budget, and worry about buying what I need all the time. I make an above-average salary (considering the average American salary is $63,795). Following my choice of pursuing a bachelor’s and master's in biomedical engineering I’ve achieved a stable job. Now when I go to the grocery store, I don’t have to think twice about grabbing that extra bag of chips or whether the Honeycrisp apples are on sale.

My current salary is weird. I have enough money to buy all the silly things of vanity to project an image of status. I can buy a pair of $400 shoes within a year and not be devastated. I can buy that overpriced cotton t-shirt, watch, or tool but it’s a false sense of security. Despite being able to buy all the things to show that I have money I don’t have financial freedom. I don’t have enough money to securely buy a house, pay for my future child’s college, or stop working. There’s a huge gap from the current situation to true financial security and freedom. I’m between enjoying the financial comfort and doomsday prepping with the thought of never having enough. I’m grateful for my situation but I’m also reminded by myself this isn’t the dream.

Logic and Happiness

4 friends flying to Idaho to eat at a Wendy’s because it was something they did as kids sounds both awesome and completely idiotic. They could fly to Greece, or see the Alps, but something about the sentiment of that Wendy’s is way warmer in my mind. The more absurd the more gratifying it sounds to me. The things that bring us true happiness are so deeply personal. I’m trying to lean more into that absurdity.

As the buddies are drifting further and further apart geographically, I’ve been working on getting group trips on the calendar so we don’t lose track of each other. Despite being farther away from my friends than ever, being alone has reaffirmed that I’ve found my people and I’m so grateful for you all. For those of you reading I appreciate hearing all of your life updates, the ups, the downs, and being along the ride with me. If you’ve made it to the end thanks for taking the time. Hope to hear from you all soon.

Always wishing you the best,

Corey Chiou

P.S. Tonight’s writing was accompanied by Big Black Car by Gregory Alan Isakov